Log in

No account? Create an account
If this hadn't stopped... - Am I asking too much...to keep you at arm's length? [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

If this hadn't stopped... [Apr. 3rd, 2008|12:49 am]
I was under the impression this was going to be different. I was under the impression she would be my end. Then I found out and indeed, she was the end. The end of my tragic year. I made plans to fuse our loving hearts. I made plans to take vows. How foolish of me. How very foolish of me. How very idiotic. I want to hear how sorry she is. And then I don't, because I know she's not. I know she meant every word. Has meant every word for a very long time. Even if I got my way. What difference would that make? I will never be able to forgive. She will never be able to take it back. Just like she was never able to forgive. Just like I was never able to take it back. Take them back. I'm sure it doesn't matter now. She can have her bowl of oranges. I don't think she got that reference all the times I used it. I am not surprised. Never very clever. Never very kind. Never very anything. Except. Very very very very very very mean. And yet. She would have left if she knew everything. I never did. I was in her corner right up until the end. My calculations are always so very wrong. My two year estimate has turned into a year and a half. Just a year and a half longer and I will be oceanside. Internship should be over by mid-November, at the latest, and then I can start using my hands for something good again. Save and remember. Save yourself. Save and forget. I look forward to a little boat house. I look forward to Puget Sound. I look forward to grey, rainy days. But for now. I'm still here. And the sun will come up tomorrow.